Happy Saga Dawa!  My cousin Linda sent me the following email, a reminder that I am going to India to learn, learn, learn.

Today is the day Shakya Muni Buddha achieved enlightenment under the Bodhi tree in Bodh Gaya and entered into Parinirvana in Kushinagara. (2500 B.C)
Saga Dawa full moon day is the holiest day in Tibetan Buddhism.

As we recall the Buddha’s Enlightenment, we are immediately reminded of the most profound realization and insight one person can achieve over a night.

“There is no way to happiness, happiness itself is the way.” -Buddha

“Enlightenment is without duality, since therein are no minds and no things. Enlightenment is equality, since it is equal to infinite space.”- Buddha

“Enlightenment is un-constructed, because it is neither born nor destroyed, neither abides nor undergoes any transformation.”-Buddha

I finally typed out the entire story of what the heck I’m doing and why I’m going to Dharamsala, India.  It’s all there in it’s unedited glory for everyone to read.  Gah.

Edit later.  Tired.  Night.

I was soooo caught up trying to learn about adding pictures to the website, I became agitated and couldn’t focus on writing. I have so much writing that remains. I have it in my head, I just have to take the time, calm down and type it out. Tomorrow. Today I had to take a break from this and watch a movie for a mind distraction. I have my self-imposed deadline of June 1st to have this “pretty together” so that I may start distributing the web address without fear of laughter. Such pressure I put on myself, but for some reason it just makes sense that I do this. After the 1st, I’m treating myself to a massage at the Boulder Massage School. It’s cheap and the students need the practice! I can do that! The pics of the Great Stupa came out great. I can’t wait to post them! More tomorrow.

Jen

Went to the Great Stupa today up in Red Feather Lakes, Colorado. The closer I get to it, the more emotional/weepy I get…..today was no exception. I took tons of pictures, kind of took my time getting to it. I walked in and the first thing that popped into my head as my eyes welled up was “I’ve missed you so!”. Why do I feel as though my going to Dharamsala is a return home for me? I haven’t been able to put my finger on the feeling until the last day or so. At least that would explain why, since I could remember, I’ve never quite felt like I belonged here. The rest of the afternoon was spent hiking around the 600 acres of trails and sitting on some rock outcroppings that lead to some breath taking views that I captured with my camera phone and a disposable. I will be making a Shambhala page in the next few days and posting all of the pictures, so look for it. At the end of the day, I stopped at the gift shop, got my obligatory “Free Tibet” bumper sticker, drooled over all of the amazing amethyst jewelry and headed back down to 5280. I’m gonna sleep good tonight. More about everything I experienced in my head in the next day or so.

Jen

I have a slight hint of panic on the back of my tongue…..the kind you feel right behind your collar bone. I’m brainstorming for ways to raise money. I still have to live, I still have to pay for life. Doctor bills keep popping up, gas keeps going up. Do I want a part time job? Not really. The last time I got a part time job and saved up enough money to go somewhere it fell through, darnitall. And besides, I’ve worked two jobs for most of my life. These past 3 years have been lovely now that, thanks to Karl (my boss), I have quality of life. I think it’s time for me to get rid of the scads of jewelry that I possess and hardly think to wear. Honestly? My lovely friend Jamie, www.holliermetal.com, makes high quality jewelry. I’ve purchased already-made pieces from her and I’ve commissioned a couple things (okay, lots) to be made for me specifically in search of happiness that the little baubles could bring for a short time. The irony of this is that I purchased these things for temporary, pseudo happiness and I am now preparing to part with them for a chance at TRUE happiness. The kind that you can’t put on your finger or in your ears because where I’m headed, nobody cares what you wear. It’s what inside that counts…..am I starting to sound weird?

Now I have one more thing to add to my list of things to do before I leave. Get all jewelry cleaned, pictures taken and up on website for sale. asap. guh. If I don’t get the whole paypal linkie thingie figured out soon I’m gonna have to fire myself.

Song that stuck in my head today….Tell Her by Del Amitri, one of my favorite bands.

Checked airfare on sidestep and orbitz….ouch.  Airfare has been sitting at $1,095 for months.  Yesterday, my Tuesday/Monday?  Not so much.  Surprise surprise surprise.  Who was that not-so-bright character from The Andy Griffith show that used to do that?  Some tall, dark haired guy that was terminally optimistic because he just didn’t know any better?  So airfare to Delhi is up to $1,500.00, my savings account ISN’T and I’m trying to be terminally optimistic…do people see me as a female, modern-day version of that guy?  The not-so-bright part I get some days.  And yes, I’m blogging at work while I watch a computer do it’s Microsoft Office updates.  A person can only stare at those things for so long, ya know?

What should I be thanking The Universe for today?  The ability to be able to get out of bed unattended and go to a job to make money to be able to follow through with this wonderful dream I have of going to Dharamsala to help.  I make my way.  I follow my path.

I’m going to make a “Terminally Happy what to thank the Universe for” link over on the right.  I’ll call it The Daily Gratitude button, because some days we all need to be reminded to show gratitude for SOMETHING……trying to learn code to snaz up this weblog.  As Patrick’s gentle reminder sits in the back of my brain “Don’t worry about the design so much, make sure you have good content.”  My creative side is saying it’s the design AND the content.  I want to catch people’s attention and aesthetics are so often dismissed…….a big no no…..soooo working on the design AND the content.

Happy Wednesday….Jen

….strangely paralleling my life.  “Mom, Dad…. I’m going to Dharamsala, India to help the Tibetans in exile.”  A deadly phrase that as Mom put it “really put a damper on things”. Oh well. I’ve told them.  They were less enthusiastic than I had hoped for but in reality I knew not to expect much more than silence.  I will never forget that creepy-quiet car ride to Estes Park with the 600 lb. Gorilla in the back seat with Dad.  I’m officially the queen of floating lead balloons in a Honda Accord.  I’ve made the decision to volunteer in Dharamsala.  I am going to live with the Buddhist nuns and teach them what ever computer skills they want or need while hopefully immersing myself in the Buddhist religion and this is the blog to tell the tale. What a tale it shall be.

More to come as I learn to create this website dedicated to the nuns of Dharamsala…. Jen